Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
