oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize