i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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