Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
smell my finger.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
