Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
