i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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