dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
