I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
