but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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