I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
