This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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