I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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