I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
