Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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