I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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