is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so let's talk penis.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
