worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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