Her vagina should come with caution tape.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
