very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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