he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize