Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
