Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So apparently I’m into choking now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
