I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
