fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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