Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
