every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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