seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
