I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
