I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
