I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
