im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
