I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
