People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
