i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
