I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
cat food counts as protein by the way
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
