Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
