I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
