I have demons in me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I checked into jail on foursquare
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize