oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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