Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
