shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
