yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
