Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We need to get me chipped asap
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
