When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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