i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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