Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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