I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
