Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize