the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
