My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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