I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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