hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
