Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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