How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
