YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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