First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
