I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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