If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
