I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize