I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
