You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
