maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
