you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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