I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
