is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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